She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
