drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
