I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
