my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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