My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
