you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Welp...herpes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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