Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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