Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
