saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
