I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
