There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
