so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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