I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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