You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
