i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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