Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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