I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
