I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
