I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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