that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
