so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
