i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
