I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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