She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
