capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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