Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The best revenge is premature balding
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
