I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
