I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
