Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
