My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
