Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
