She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize