This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
