You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
