my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize