I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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