dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
