he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
