Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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