if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
