um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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