why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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