I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
