She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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