I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
