My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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