another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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