the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
