my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i love accidental penises.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
