Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I would fuck him just for his dog
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
