Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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