I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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