you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
