So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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