dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
