Don't make out with my wife yet
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
