Where is the hickey?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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