why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize