At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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