You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
