Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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