I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
