So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
