Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
