I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
