please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize