You're completely useless in the revolution.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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