My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
