I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
