Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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