Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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