I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
