he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
