u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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