my mouth tastes like poor choices
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
